God

I always find it most powerful to voice my feelings out loud and last night I was feeling very upset with God. I told him its stupid I can't see him or hear him and that he should just take physical form and come sit beside me.
I've never howled in grief before but that's what happened.. It was like a ball of energy moved from my belly right up through my heart and out my mouth.
What struck me the most during this was this feeling coming from God "I would love so much to sit beside you and listen to all your problems, If only you would allow me to be there with you"
Then my son come over with a tissue and asked if I was ok. I explained I was feeling a bit sad and that it's ok to cry when we are sad.. It was like my own voice was on repeat in my head "it's ok to cry when we are sad"
I still struggle with this relationship with god but I'm finding every time I connect with her my trust grows. It's a very gentle feeling similar to the way we would nurse an injured or abused animal.

I guess the biggest lesson of late has been that its going to take time to develop this relationship with God and trust someone completely again. That I can go to god with my brokenness and she will sit beside me without judgement or persecution and just love me until I'm ready to let go.

For this I am so thankful