God

I always find it most powerful to voice my feelings out loud and last night I was feeling very upset with God. I told him its stupid I can't see him or hear him and that he should just take physical form and come sit beside me.
I've never howled in grief before but that's what happened.. It was like a ball of energy moved from my belly right up through my heart and out my mouth.
What struck me the most during this was this feeling coming from God "I would love so much to sit beside you and listen to all your problems, If only you would allow me to be there with you"
Then my son come over with a tissue and asked if I was ok. I explained I was feeling a bit sad and that it's ok to cry when we are sad.. It was like my own voice was on repeat in my head "it's ok to cry when we are sad"
I still struggle with this relationship with god but I'm finding every time I connect with her my trust grows. It's a very gentle feeling similar to the way we would nurse an injured or abused animal.

I guess the biggest lesson of late has been that its going to take time to develop this relationship with God and trust someone completely again. That I can go to god with my brokenness and she will sit beside me without judgement or persecution and just love me until I'm ready to let go.

For this I am so thankful

ART

I often find I have a million questions buzzing around my head - especially straight after I wake up, and I just discovered that when I get them all out, they seem to answer themselves.. 
Here's an example from my journal:

How is art assisting the world?
Does it encourage emotion? Does art provide a gateway between the physical and spiritual? Does it resonate with our soul? Do we use beautiful art as a way of avoiding how we really feel? 
How can art be a true soul gift to others? What does that look like?
Can the art I create be a prayer to the world?
Can my celestial brothers and sisters assist me in creating art that will assist people?
Can the truth be painted?
Can other senses be involved? E.g. Smell, Touch?
What truths can be painted?
Can the celestials use me as a medium to paint truths that are beyond my souls current understanding?
What feelings do I want to aspire in others?
Can God's attributes be painted?
Can our souls be painted?
How can I prepare myself to be able to channel such information?
What am I desiring to get out of it? To be recognized, adored, glorified.
Can God assist me to heal those errors? Will they come up as I put my desire into action?

I finished up with a big feeling of 'YES' 

Freedom Rider

You

If our palms were to touch

would I remember to breathe?

Could that surrender

shake death from my leaves?

If I could see through the veil

that misery holds so tight,

would I meet your eyes

and escape this endless night?

If the storms could blow your voice

into my hearts deepest hollows

Would your words transform

the emptiness time borrows?

If I could taste your love

would it melt this fear?

Could this ice castle

reduce to a single tear?

and if you are closer than my breath

can you fill this heart of stone

and let your gentle whisper

be the breeze that brings me home?

~ Jem  24/04/2012